Coffee with a Water Lily

I can hardly breathe. These past months have been agonizing and then all the sudden I'm only a week away from traveling out to California to begin a 20 day adventure that is sure to change my life forever. Intense, huh? Hahaha and yet that is exactly how I feel! Heavy, aching, introspective; but not with the usual sort of emotions that come with these adjectives, rather I'm so overflowing with the goodness of God's presence that it's almost a solid thing I'm carrying around with me! I'm heavy with the joy and expectation of what is to come. I'm aching with the passion that calls me to worship my God, my King, the lover of my soul, in all ways and at all times! And introspective in that I want to remember this person, the woman I am before I get Rocked by an encounter so thick with Christ's love and glory that I could hardly come back the same person! What has me absolutely itching to hop on a plane now rather then in a weeks time is the echoed joy ...

It took my cat...winding himself around my legs and head butting his way into my arms to realize... I'm not at peace. One of the themes that has been popping up in my reading and conversations is the idea that we can only give or release, that which we already have. Seemingly obvious in some ways, but in terms of the overflow of our hearts, it's a stranger concept to grasp. But tonight I wanted my cat to be at peace in my presence, but how could I release peace, if I myself am in need of a dose? Driving home I was thinking more about the whys behind my faith, the groans, the aches, the deep needs of my heart that can only be explained, met or expressed through an intimate relationship with God. But it's almost laughable to be reflecting at such a depth when my most basic needs of my heart were going unmet. In his presence there is fullness of joy!! not introspective contemplating or deeply thoughtful question and answer sessions. While His revelation is indeed a beaut...

I know I only have one follower (thanks glen ;) ) but really this blog has never been about followers. Rather, this blog is meant to be a place to process 'publicly', a place where I can set down my constant and overflowing contemplations and hope that someone might stumble across them, read and resonate.  That for just a moment a complete stranger and I have something in common, some small stirring in both our hearts. So I continue to blog thoughts and revelations in the hopes of anyone reading even a word or two and feeling connected. I began a new job recently and I'm still feeling out the people I'm working with. While I've known a couple of them for a while, others are complete strangers. Yet there is one thing they all have in common...none of them have any idea how much, or why I love my God. Today we even had a conversation, two coworkers and I, about heaven and hell, science vs religion, etc and the whole time my mouth stayed closed though my heart ac...