Identity Defined
As I grew up, I constantly struggled with the idea of "identity". Being an identical twin I was forced, from a very young age, to decide who I was. Would I choose to be just like my sister, blending in, keeping safe, sticking together? Or might I choose to be an opposite, standing out only in forced contrast to my twin? I chose the contrast, keeping my hair short when her's was long, dying my hair light when her's was dark, loving english while she chose science.
Parts of me wonder how this fits in with the whole nature vs. nurture thing. Was I always meant to be the more creative mind and her the more analytical? Or was it the questions were asked, for years, that shaped us; which twin was the sporty one, which one was better at math, which is better looking (yes...that was a question, which I was never sure how to answer). From where I stand now, however, it is not our outward appearance that defines us as unique individuals, it is our inner lives.
In college, I faced hardships I could never have anticipated, nor would I ever ask to repeat, but as is true of many's faith journey's, it was in these dark times that I found Christ. I truly began to see him as my friend, soul mate, and savior. As a result, I had a whole new identity crisis. What felt like the entirety of my adolescent years, had been spent defining myself as an individual, unique in every stinking possible way! Therefore, being a Christ follower, suddenly choosing to find my identity in Christ, and in that, being one of many who chose this same definition. And so I wondered, how could I be uniquely me and yet completely surrender myself to the whole, to the body, to the community that is made up of Christ's followers?
Through therapy, a few kick ass mentors and a wonderful community of friends and fellow believers, I came to realize that the more I surrendered my death grip on a self-created individuality, the more I stood out, the more I became the woman I was originally created to be. Amazing isn't it? The freedom we feel upon surrendering, after we've overcome the fear that always seems to come first.
Parts of me wonder how this fits in with the whole nature vs. nurture thing. Was I always meant to be the more creative mind and her the more analytical? Or was it the questions were asked, for years, that shaped us; which twin was the sporty one, which one was better at math, which is better looking (yes...that was a question, which I was never sure how to answer). From where I stand now, however, it is not our outward appearance that defines us as unique individuals, it is our inner lives.
In college, I faced hardships I could never have anticipated, nor would I ever ask to repeat, but as is true of many's faith journey's, it was in these dark times that I found Christ. I truly began to see him as my friend, soul mate, and savior. As a result, I had a whole new identity crisis. What felt like the entirety of my adolescent years, had been spent defining myself as an individual, unique in every stinking possible way! Therefore, being a Christ follower, suddenly choosing to find my identity in Christ, and in that, being one of many who chose this same definition. And so I wondered, how could I be uniquely me and yet completely surrender myself to the whole, to the body, to the community that is made up of Christ's followers?
Through therapy, a few kick ass mentors and a wonderful community of friends and fellow believers, I came to realize that the more I surrendered my death grip on a self-created individuality, the more I stood out, the more I became the woman I was originally created to be. Amazing isn't it? The freedom we feel upon surrendering, after we've overcome the fear that always seems to come first.
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