Coffee with a Water Lily

I can hardly breathe. These past months have been agonizing and then all the sudden I'm only a week away from traveling out to California to begin a 20 day adventure that is sure to change my life forever. Intense, huh? Hahaha and yet that is exactly how I feel! Heavy, aching, introspective; but not with the usual sort of emotions that come with these adjectives, rather I'm so overflowing with the goodness of God's presence that it's almost a solid thing I'm carrying around with me! I'm heavy with the joy and expectation of what is to come. I'm aching with the passion that calls me to worship my God, my King, the lover of my soul, in all ways and at all times! And introspective in that I want to remember this person, the woman I am before I get Rocked by an encounter so thick with Christ's love and glory that I could hardly come back the same person! What has me absolutely itching to hop on a plane now rather then in a weeks time is the echoed joy ...

It took my cat...winding himself around my legs and head butting his way into my arms to realize... I'm not at peace. One of the themes that has been popping up in my reading and conversations is the idea that we can only give or release, that which we already have. Seemingly obvious in some ways, but in terms of the overflow of our hearts, it's a stranger concept to grasp. But tonight I wanted my cat to be at peace in my presence, but how could I release peace, if I myself am in need of a dose? Driving home I was thinking more about the whys behind my faith, the groans, the aches, the deep needs of my heart that can only be explained, met or expressed through an intimate relationship with God. But it's almost laughable to be reflecting at such a depth when my most basic needs of my heart were going unmet. In his presence there is fullness of joy!! not introspective contemplating or deeply thoughtful question and answer sessions. While His revelation is indeed a beaut...

I know I only have one follower (thanks glen ;) ) but really this blog has never been about followers. Rather, this blog is meant to be a place to process 'publicly', a place where I can set down my constant and overflowing contemplations and hope that someone might stumble across them, read and resonate.  That for just a moment a complete stranger and I have something in common, some small stirring in both our hearts. So I continue to blog thoughts and revelations in the hopes of anyone reading even a word or two and feeling connected. I began a new job recently and I'm still feeling out the people I'm working with. While I've known a couple of them for a while, others are complete strangers. Yet there is one thing they all have in common...none of them have any idea how much, or why I love my God. Today we even had a conversation, two coworkers and I, about heaven and hell, science vs religion, etc and the whole time my mouth stayed closed though my heart ac...

How things change... Even in the span of a day or so I find my whole understanding of certain things suddenly having new roots. I don't have to hear or believe lies. Rather, I have the authority, under and through Christ, to not only identify lies but to then replace them with Truth, God's Truth. Today a dear friend told me this; as we grow, our minds learn to follow certain paths as circumstances and words are repeated. So as adults, we have patterns that we would have to fight to stray from. Such as a stream flowing down the side of a mountain; paths worn from years of travel are much easier to flow down. A small tickle of a stream does not suddenly choose to take a new path, it would have to be forced off it's well worn route. And so it is with our minds. In whatever family we grow up, we learn cause and effect. What we learn from all circumstances, both positive and negative, creates these pathways. So I am now in a season of life where I am choosing to fight for ...

The way things change. From day to day and year to year... You'd think that what you thought was true would always be, Then clarity. Clarity like lightning, like falling snow or whispers. A flutter, or crash it's there. Suddenly. That something you never knew you never knew, until you knew it, in that flash. Selfishness weakness Pride pity Love Holiness Mercy Grace All realized, given, not taken. Received, not earned. Awareness isn't something we can show ourselves, it takes Another. May He enter soon, and catch me when the truth hit's hard.

God is so faithful. His peace, his joy, his wisdom and his understanding are each blessings we need only ask for and they will be given to us! I was baptized on Thursday morning, right around 10:15am! I can hardly describe all that I felt and experienced, my senses were so overwhelmed; I was both at peace and on fire at the same time. My joy was laughter and my thankfulness tears. I remember my heart beating so hard against my ribs I thought the water might ripple from it's tossing! Since then... everything has changed. In reading His Word, it no longer falls on a heart of stone but is instead sucked up like water on dry ground! I can't get enough of him, so much so that I could almost explode with the sheer joy and overwhelming peace that comes from and with his presence! And my obedience has, again, been given new joy and revealed in a new light. As does speaking God's word, for, "faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the Word of ...

My thoughts have been consumed by my own weaknesses lately. By my failures, my insecurities, all the ways I don't measure up to the woman God created me to be. I wasn't sure what was making these thoughts swirl heavily through my mind, weighing me down and separating me from God. So I felt God pulling me to do a bit of a Bible study. We aren't alone in our weaknesses and temptations. Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, and the Word of God was his sword and shield. So I studied this same word, coming upon one final verse that has given me insane rest :) Thank you Lord, your goodness is undeniable!! Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' [...