The "Why"
I know I only have one follower (thanks glen ;) ) but really this blog has never been about followers. Rather, this blog is meant to be a place to process 'publicly', a place where I can set down my constant and overflowing contemplations and hope that someone might stumble across them, read and resonate. That for just a moment a complete stranger and I have something in common, some small stirring in both our hearts.
So I continue to blog thoughts and revelations in the hopes of anyone reading even a word or two and feeling connected.
I began a new job recently and I'm still feeling out the people I'm working with. While I've known a couple of them for a while, others are complete strangers. Yet there is one thing they all have in common...none of them have any idea how much, or why I love my God.
Today we even had a conversation, two coworkers and I, about heaven and hell, science vs religion, etc and the whole time my mouth stayed closed though my heart ached to be known. My fear was too great.
This post, therefore, is my after-the-fact response, a chance to say all the things I wish I could have, in an utterly indirect way.
This, is why I love God.
It all began with my ache for something better.
Pain, hurt, sorrow... all of these things stem from some deep place in us that can't accept what is happening. So when blaming God, the world or others for the hurt I was feeling didn't get rid of the pain... I began to ask...why does this even hurt to begin with?
If death is normal, why does it hurt to lose someone?
If a parent lets us down in one way or another, why are we so wounded, even though we all make mistakes and and can claim a multitude of imperfections ourselves?
Even in our heads it's hard to convince ourselves that life is meant to be like this. There is always some deep, aching part of us that whispers (or yells)..."This...this is wrong."
It's easy to think that God let's bad things happen for one reason or another. It's even easier to blame Him, others or just live as if all there is, is what we see. What I've come to understand is that these moments open our eyes to see exactly who we were made to be, and what we were truly made for.
We ache, we hurt, we're wounded because we were never made to expierence these things. The Truth is, we were made for the world of God's original creation. A world where hurt and darkness were never meant to exist. We were made for love, by love, to love.
But God also made us to choose. Because God Himself IS love, He cannot force us to love Him, but instead aches for us to choose Him, to know Him and be known by Him. To say no to the lies of the enemy, and yet to the perfection of His Kingdom. And so choices either bring us closer to Him or dig us deeper into the sorrow of the world.
As we ache to know truth, love, beauty, perfection, so God aches to know us. In every moment, of everyday, he stands beside us, close to us, his heart groaning as He waits for us to turn our eyes and look at Him, even if it's only for a moment.
What stirs my heart all the more is the way that God has always been there. When I sat, huddled in my closet as a little girl, plugging my ears to a world that never seemed to stop yelling, my heavenly Father was there, His arms outstretched, crying beside me, begging me to crawl into His arms so he could tell me how much He adores me, and that everything was going to be okay.
That I couldn't hear Him had everything to do with the hurts of the world and my own parent's inability to hear, but what matters more is that I was Never alone. What really matters is that God never stopped pursuing me, never stopped whispering words of love and hope into my heavy heart.
I think if we're all truly honest with ourselves we can admit at least one thing; that we want someone, anyone really, to want to take the time to crack us open and see everything. Every hurt, every mess up, every insecurity, every gift, every talent, every triumph and every failure. For someone to ask us to lay all this out before them so they can look at it, look at you and say "you...you are absolutely beautiful".
That someone is the Father. The true Father, the one who could sit beside you for hours and want nothing more then to simply be in your presence.
But this intimacy with the Father is impossible without Christ...our Savior and the dearest lover of our souls. He tore down the curtain of sin that separated us from our Daddy. Sending the Spirit, that hushed whisper of love that always pulls our hearts back to where it belongs; into the safe, loving, and ever protective hands of the Father.
I'm in love with God...because I was made to love Him and be loved by Him, and my heart bursts with the joy of knowing it!
mmhmm. I do love my God... in such a deep place that all I can do is smile.
^-^
Blessings,
~Andrea Christine
So I continue to blog thoughts and revelations in the hopes of anyone reading even a word or two and feeling connected.
I began a new job recently and I'm still feeling out the people I'm working with. While I've known a couple of them for a while, others are complete strangers. Yet there is one thing they all have in common...none of them have any idea how much, or why I love my God.
Today we even had a conversation, two coworkers and I, about heaven and hell, science vs religion, etc and the whole time my mouth stayed closed though my heart ached to be known. My fear was too great.
This post, therefore, is my after-the-fact response, a chance to say all the things I wish I could have, in an utterly indirect way.
This, is why I love God.
It all began with my ache for something better.
Pain, hurt, sorrow... all of these things stem from some deep place in us that can't accept what is happening. So when blaming God, the world or others for the hurt I was feeling didn't get rid of the pain... I began to ask...why does this even hurt to begin with?
If death is normal, why does it hurt to lose someone?
If a parent lets us down in one way or another, why are we so wounded, even though we all make mistakes and and can claim a multitude of imperfections ourselves?
Even in our heads it's hard to convince ourselves that life is meant to be like this. There is always some deep, aching part of us that whispers (or yells)..."This...this is wrong."
It's easy to think that God let's bad things happen for one reason or another. It's even easier to blame Him, others or just live as if all there is, is what we see. What I've come to understand is that these moments open our eyes to see exactly who we were made to be, and what we were truly made for.
We ache, we hurt, we're wounded because we were never made to expierence these things. The Truth is, we were made for the world of God's original creation. A world where hurt and darkness were never meant to exist. We were made for love, by love, to love.
But God also made us to choose. Because God Himself IS love, He cannot force us to love Him, but instead aches for us to choose Him, to know Him and be known by Him. To say no to the lies of the enemy, and yet to the perfection of His Kingdom. And so choices either bring us closer to Him or dig us deeper into the sorrow of the world.
As we ache to know truth, love, beauty, perfection, so God aches to know us. In every moment, of everyday, he stands beside us, close to us, his heart groaning as He waits for us to turn our eyes and look at Him, even if it's only for a moment.
What stirs my heart all the more is the way that God has always been there. When I sat, huddled in my closet as a little girl, plugging my ears to a world that never seemed to stop yelling, my heavenly Father was there, His arms outstretched, crying beside me, begging me to crawl into His arms so he could tell me how much He adores me, and that everything was going to be okay.
That I couldn't hear Him had everything to do with the hurts of the world and my own parent's inability to hear, but what matters more is that I was Never alone. What really matters is that God never stopped pursuing me, never stopped whispering words of love and hope into my heavy heart.
I think if we're all truly honest with ourselves we can admit at least one thing; that we want someone, anyone really, to want to take the time to crack us open and see everything. Every hurt, every mess up, every insecurity, every gift, every talent, every triumph and every failure. For someone to ask us to lay all this out before them so they can look at it, look at you and say "you...you are absolutely beautiful".
That someone is the Father. The true Father, the one who could sit beside you for hours and want nothing more then to simply be in your presence.
But this intimacy with the Father is impossible without Christ...our Savior and the dearest lover of our souls. He tore down the curtain of sin that separated us from our Daddy. Sending the Spirit, that hushed whisper of love that always pulls our hearts back to where it belongs; into the safe, loving, and ever protective hands of the Father.
I'm in love with God...because I was made to love Him and be loved by Him, and my heart bursts with the joy of knowing it!
mmhmm. I do love my God... in such a deep place that all I can do is smile.
^-^
Blessings,
~Andrea Christine
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