Coffee with a Water Lily

Sometimes you just need to write. Usually I stick to journaling, but every once in a while when my process feels extra profound, I get the urge to blog. As you can see it's been a while since my last post and so much and so little has happened between then and now, but what is true, is that I am not immune to the human desire to be liked. I thought I kicked this base fear of "I'm not good enough/likable" a while ago. I thought, "I've conquered the terrifying territory that is self love and come up stronger, wiser and well-grounded". This was and still is true, but in the meantime I got my ass kicked and my foundations pretty shook by insecurity and and a demon pretending to be "growth".  Often, when we are faced with new experiences, like a new job, a new skill, a new opportunity, we are hit with a sense of insecurity, fear and inferiority. We look at those around us who have already mastered the skill we are just begininng to learn  an

What is pursuit?             This is a question I have mulled over time and time again throughout my years of experiencing the successes and failures of relationships. This is what I've found:             Pursuit is the vulnerable risk to know and be known, for the sake of possibility, not surety. Pursuit is the hope before hope, the chance taken, the flick of a match. It is not, however, the definite start of an already decided journey.             Pursuit takes courage and courage is the result of vulnerability not pride (its counterfeit). It is a meekness and openness that says "I'm just a boy and you're just a girl (or vise versa), each of us equally glorious and worthy of being known". This vulnerability creates humble, honest and powerful pursuit. Pride, however, is begotten by fear and it’s result is distance; a chasm made between equals that screams, “I’m better then you, I know more then you, I’m greater then you in this way or that,

:) Hello again. It's been way too long. First I want to apologize for being so far behind on my updates, I realize the last time I posted was before I left for Worship School! And now here I am, almost done with the second month of Bethel's Supernatural School of Ministry! Briefly, Worship School changed me. It lit a fire for new and deeper expressions of worship that is now being fed here in school. I am a woman of worship and attending Bethel's School of Worship opened up new channels of expression that created a new depth and vibrancy to the passion of worship that I had never before seen within me. There are new shades to the praise rainbow that is my hearts purest expression of deep adoration towards my beautiful Papa God. Now, BSSM. What a ride it has been thus far. Though it has only been two months I can hardly recall what happened beyond a week ago! What I can't forget are the encounters that I have had with the redemptive power of God's love throug

I can hardly breathe. These past months have been agonizing and then all the sudden I'm only a week away from traveling out to California to begin a 20 day adventure that is sure to change my life forever. Intense, huh? Hahaha and yet that is exactly how I feel! Heavy, aching, introspective; but not with the usual sort of emotions that come with these adjectives, rather I'm so overflowing with the goodness of God's presence that it's almost a solid thing I'm carrying around with me! I'm heavy with the joy and expectation of what is to come. I'm aching with the passion that calls me to worship my God, my King, the lover of my soul, in all ways and at all times! And introspective in that I want to remember this person, the woman I am before I get Rocked by an encounter so thick with Christ's love and glory that I could hardly come back the same person! What has me absolutely itching to hop on a plane now rather then in a weeks time is the echoed joy

It took my cat...winding himself around my legs and head butting his way into my arms to realize... I'm not at peace. One of the themes that has been popping up in my reading and conversations is the idea that we can only give or release, that which we already have. Seemingly obvious in some ways, but in terms of the overflow of our hearts, it's a stranger concept to grasp. But tonight I wanted my cat to be at peace in my presence, but how could I release peace, if I myself am in need of a dose? Driving home I was thinking more about the whys behind my faith, the groans, the aches, the deep needs of my heart that can only be explained, met or expressed through an intimate relationship with God. But it's almost laughable to be reflecting at such a depth when my most basic needs of my heart were going unmet. In his presence there is fullness of joy!! not introspective contemplating or deeply thoughtful question and answer sessions. While His revelation is indeed a beaut

I know I only have one follower (thanks glen ;) ) but really this blog has never been about followers. Rather, this blog is meant to be a place to process 'publicly', a place where I can set down my constant and overflowing contemplations and hope that someone might stumble across them, read and resonate.  That for just a moment a complete stranger and I have something in common, some small stirring in both our hearts. So I continue to blog thoughts and revelations in the hopes of anyone reading even a word or two and feeling connected. I began a new job recently and I'm still feeling out the people I'm working with. While I've known a couple of them for a while, others are complete strangers. Yet there is one thing they all have in common...none of them have any idea how much, or why I love my God. Today we even had a conversation, two coworkers and I, about heaven and hell, science vs religion, etc and the whole time my mouth stayed closed though my heart ac