Hello From the Other Side

I realized just recently that I'd never published the post I wrote below from months ago. Re-reading it I can still feel the gut-wrenching fear that had gripped me when I first came to graduate school. And I can now honestly admit that I am on the other side.

After almost a year spent fighting to prove myself as an actor, I had a moment of realization. The things we are most passionate about are the only things we're willing to wade through the deepest levels of fear and anxiety in order to master. When we feel the life that comes from living and breathing the dreams and talents that are planted within us, we become addicted. Only it's an addiction that feeds, rather then drains. It's like water, or air, or love. When we step into the places that we are called to be, it's like parts of us we knew were there but couldn't grasp before, suddenly fall into place. I am an actress, I'm a writer, I'm a singer and a performer. I'm a friend, a sister, a confident and a lover. All these things are written into the fiber of who I am and who I was always designed to be. 

Am I, after only a year and a half of real training, an incredible actor? I don't know, but I'm working hard be.All I know is that I can't quit. Now that I've tasted this beautiful form of expression, I can't imagine letting it go. Acting, I'm realizing, is like a living breathing form of therapy. We take on the lives of others, and in doing so, find truths about ourselves and our bodies that we wouldn't have otherwise seen. I've had to look at myself... so objectively, that I've been forced to learn grace as a result. 

If anyone desires to be a truly accomplished actor, they have to first recognize what makes them human. In that we have to see our habits, our tension, the way to walk and talk, in a whole new light, and understand they why behind it all. If I'm going to portray another human life, I have to let go of the one I've lived, creating a blank canvas on which to tell someone else's story. And to do this, is to be so honest with ourselves and our own stories. Embracing them, sharing them, and allowing them to breathe. If anything stays hidden or untouched, it will force itself to the surface one way or another. And that's not what we want as actors. If I'm playing a controlled, prim and proper lawyer, but my habit of slouching or biting my nails hasn't been dealt with, then I'll have no control over the  authenticity of my character. My habits will render my character false, because they're mine, not the characters. 

Crazy, huh?

Acting really is brave work. I don't know if you're any kind of an actor. I know I wasn't, not even 2 years ago. But I have have a deep love and profound respect for the art now. And am thankful for what it's taught me about myself. The insecure, soft spoken woman I was at the beginning of last year, has found her voice. I now know what it means to walk in a room and know the value you bring to it. That I can be proud without being prideful. I can be confident without being cocky. I can be loving and not just kind. There is power in knowing your value, and I'm shocked to say the art of acting showed me mine. 

Not a long post, but after reading my last one, I knew it needed a follow up.

Much love,

Andrea Christine